It has been a while since I wrote my last blog and I felt my fingers tingling with enthusiasm to take you on my life adventures full of, guess what? Tantra!
With the opportunity to start my own holistic center in Rotterdam I made one of my dreams come true. I called it Gaia center after the Goddess Gaia who represents the earth. A place to come home in yourself with Yoga, Massage, Tantric Workshops and Reiki courses. Situated in the city center and part of a larger community in Rotterdam. This was possible because of the community I also live in, believing in a better world. I could write a whole blog about this community but I will leave that for another time.
Now I will dive deeper in my Tantric experience, taking you back to four years ago. My first Tantra ceremony at Hridaya school of Yoga in Mexico. How lucky was I with THIS first ceremonial experience looking back. The ceremony was so beautiful and deeply opening. All men were dressed in white and women in Red looking like Gods and Goddesses. The different practices like eye gazing, feeding each other and getting blessed by a flower rain made me have a transformative experience. I am you and you are me, the awakening of seeing the divine in everyone’s eyes as a reflection of my own divinity. After this ceremony (and a lot of other spiritual practices) my life unfolded itself towards my essence, traveling 2,5 years around the world. I started to see that everything in life is Tantra. It was first needed to establish a loving connection with myself before I could have a deep and intimate relationship. I went into a celibate year deriving my intention inward. I started to notice a change, before I was seeking validation in others opinions about myself and now I was giving it to myself! I noticed that my connection with other people became deeper. My heart opened more in vulnerability and trust without any sex involved. I experienced more intimacy and that was exactly what my heart was longing for.
While my base grown deeper and who I am (or was) started to transcend I felt open to connect. My heart opened and the world became more shiny and beautiful, even the beauty in pain became clear. The places I traveled to seemed to be a beehive for Tantricas and I immerged into different workshops with themes like boundaries I explored me saying No. It was always easy to say Yes and it was an inner exploration to honor my boundaries. To do nothing that I simply did not want to do. This was working trough deep patterns breaking old self believe systems. It was as if I could feel my body more and the intuition took over. Trusting my natural state instead of only the lists and old stories in my brain. I also learned about masculine and feminine energy that are both in me while I am a feminine. So it does not matter if you have a masculine or feminine body, we all have both energies flowing inside us. The male energy is connected with hot fire and the feminine energy with cold or slowly warming, until boiling water. Slowly my connections with other people started to involve sex but now on a whole different level, so much respect for my own body and boundaries I started to attract man who treated themselves in similar ways. Staying connected with myself while opening to connect with the other creates a magical experience of unity. Less fear of holding onto any Body or any restricting believes. More of letting go, freedom, exploration, communication, authentic sharing and unconditional love. Without any goal to achieve, no expectations and life surprises you.
Traveling on I went to the island Koh Phangan in Thailand where a Tantric community thrives. Here I encountered the different Tantric movements. Feeling directly more drawn to the meditation Tantra remembering my connection with the turtle spirit I took the slow path. I experience some teachers that were so authentic and inspiring! A sidenote here is to be aware on this path, there is misleading happening also, always trust your intuition.
A lotus travels through the dark mud up towards the light. Only to unfold it lotus petals and open to fully receive the sunlight.
Being back in the Netherlands for over a year now I initiated Goddess circles. Workshops for women every new moon with cacao, meditation, dance, singing, sharing, writing and sisterhood ceremonies. Passing the wisdom of the Goddesses on, being a canal to awaken the inner goddess that is inside every women. This felt like a time of connecting more inward again to connect with myself and sisterhood. On a deeper level also to balance the masculine energy with the feminine energy inside myself. The feeling of sisterhood is beyond explaining, so nurturing and supporting. Feeling very blessed to do this work with myself and other women. In Tantra a women has be spoken of as a Goddess and a man a God. But the word God is loaded with other meaning and connection to a man whit a white beard in the sky. This is off course not what is meant by a man having a God inside, I am referring to the part in everyone that is Divine. Seeing around me the man circles arising like flowers in spring. Acknowledging we are in a time where brotherhood and sisterhood are needed. Simultaneously relationships are changing, finding new paradigms. Only one soulmate and living happily ever after while being married is an old story. These evolving times of exploration polyamorous relationships and with the same sexes. No wonder that Tantra is becoming more popular, there is a need for exploration, shaping new possibilities and ways of living. Remembering that Tantra is al of life life, all with awareness.
There is an image around Tantra that is only sexual, here I would like to tell you that sex is only a part of Tantra. Since the meaning of Tantra is INTERWOVEN and sex is woven into daily life. This interconnectedness with every part of life, not rejecting but allowing it to be open about it. In Tantra it is possible to apply in every part of daily life in a sacred way. Even cleaning the house or doing groceries, it all starts with our intention. All life is connected beyond the visible eyes.
The Meditative Tantra is connected also with breathwork to direct energy, mantra’s (affirmation) and the eyes to connect deeply. The heart connection is the essence of which a state of love can be experienced. The breath has a huge impact on our whole being while visualizing the energy flow an ecstatic experience can be felt as a whole body experience. The mantra’s can be song together and is known in the Yoga tradition to have transcending effects. Singing together also creates a feeling of connectedness beyond and beyond. The eyes are the windows of the soul they say. When I did the practice to look for 3 minutes in ones eyes for the very first time, it felt uncomfortable. By doing it more I stepped over my discomfort and relaxed, what happened was so beautiful! Seeing in the other eyes myself, we all go trough bad times and good times. Seeing the inner child, higher self, wild side, royal state, god(dess) and the divine. We are all divine humans in essence and equal. Notice how much you are looking into others eyes in daily life, you can start by gazing into your own eyes in the mirror.
Meditation has for me to do with the connection of that deeper essence that we are in nature. Leaving the thoughts on how things should be, shame and guilt to observe. Not taking it personal but taking a step back to observe yourself with curiousity. Set yourself free and notice that you where do one holding yourself back.